*puts my ipod on shuffle and skips every song until i get one i was hoping for*
the worst thing ever is when you can feel someone getting bored with you
how do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber
ask them to pronounce “unionized”
Holy fuck thats clever
It took me 5 minutes to get this
so my dad’s friend was bartending and saw a guy put something in a girl’s drink so while the guy turned around he switched their drinks and watched the guy roofie himself.
Sleepy kisses are the best kinds of kisses, when it’s all dark and you’re not even sure if you’re conscious.